Wellness Wednesday – Whine-Free
“Be careful how you see the world. It’s like that”. –Erich Heller
We love to gripe. Venting and kvetching have their place, but the downside of perpetually noticing the empty half of the glass is feeling WORSE. We become hypnotized by our own negative chants. Spend enough time looking at the world through crap-colored glasses, and that’s all we are going to see.
Today’s challenge is to rest. Let’s take the day off from complaints. We don’t have to be pollyannas, but we can practice restraint.
Here’s some tips:
Stick to facts (“it’s raining again”) rather than editorializing (“I hate this stupid weather”).
Check your narrative. Sometimes we add to our suffering with the stories we tell about it. If something’s bugging you and there’s nothing to be done about it in the moment, practice tolerating discomfort. I’m not talking about tolerating abuse or life-threatening situations, but bearing with the everyday irritations, disappointments, and the aches and pains that come with being alive. Place yourself at a little comfortable distance and observe the negative thought/complaint without judgment. Rest; stop struggling with it.
To help remember your intention, wear a rubber band or easily removable bracelet on your wrist. When you find yourself complaining, switch it to the other wrist. See if you can keep it on one arm for a couple of hours. Then see if you can keep it on for most of a whole day. It’s harder than you think!
I learned this idea from a newspaper article, several years ago, on a hard, hard day. I’d used precious vacation days to fly to see my father, who was undergoing cancer treatment. I arrived at night during a torrential rain. The next day, instead of relaxing with my dad, I spent hours helping my sister clean out her flooded home. We carried out hundreds of pounds of ruined clothes, furniture, decorations. Everything was covered in sewage water, including us. My sister was strong, even as we threw away her personal treasures. keepsakes. “It could be worse” she said, and I looked at her as if she was insane. The radio blared in the background, encouraging people “not touch contaminated objects”– a joke; we WERE contaminated objects.
Hours later we took a break on the porch; the yard full of chairs, beds, appliances. I read an article in the newspaper, about a preacher in Kansas City who’d begun a campaign to reduce negativity in his congregation. He got people to sign a pledge to go 21 days without complaining (the length of time it takes to well-establish a new habit) using the bracelet technique. It sounded like a good idea. My mood was darker than the thunderstorm the night before. We ran to the dollar store and purchased elastic beaded bracelets.
Truth: I broke two bracelets that first day, switching them on and off. I was surprised by how often my mind would wander into negative territory. The bracelet served as a concrete reminder of my intention– it increased my mindfulness. And refraining from complaining? It improved my mindset.
More truth: I fell back into the habit of complaining. Maybe you don’t need this trick as much as I do right now. But give it a shot. And let me know how it goes.
Jana Svoboda, Advising Department
Image by pikisuperstar on Freepik
