Words by Jana Svoboda
Did you know that a half a cup of warm water before bedtime can help you lose 40 lbs in just a few weeks? I learned that last week while online. Confusingly, I also heard that drinking warm water before bedtime causes dementia, and that neurologists everywhere are begging me to play word games to prevent it.
On one news channel, I learned the entire city of Portland is a war zone, with fires everywhere. On another, I saw one block of Portland is beset by plagues of dancing frogs, brass bands in banana costumes and old ladies knitting peacefully, albeit with tear gas being thrown at them.
What’s the real story? We want a clear narrative for what we see around us: Bad Guys and Good Guys, the Way Things Really are Supposed to Be. We want there to be a recipe for our murky messy lives; to know that if we just do the One Right Thing we’ll finally get fixed.
Life has never been black and white. And the fuzzier it gets, the more desperate we can become for a tool, a fix, a person, an ideology to set it straight for us.
Earlier, I wrote about avoiding scams. Most of us recognize the obvious ones, like unclaimed lottery monies you can claim for a thousand dollars processing fee. We don’t click on the pop-ups about the one vegetable gut doctors beg us to avoid.
But it’s tempting to fall into other traps that promise better health, happier lives, true love or career success. Advertising of any sort works because it taps into or creates need. To sell you something, I need to remind you that you need it, and convince you I can provide it. Stoking fear, or even discomfort, is a great way to do this. Lonely? Maybe it’s because you’re bald. Look at these happy, confident, hairy guys. Buy our product and you too can be successful in life and love. Feeling lost in life? Take our $900 weekend seminar and learn the 7 rules of Alpha-ing.
It’s not just advertising who encourage absolutist thinking. Some people are selling their point of view. What they promise is abstract but desirable: witness, belonging and safety, to be seen and to be ok. We are encouraged to swallow whole cults of personality and ideologies wrapped in warnings we will be less safe, employed, healthy, happy if we’re not with them. We demonize others to soothe ourselves. This division, ironically, makes us all less safe.
We are pattern-seeking people, and it’s an energy management tool so we don’t have to think so hard or make so many choices. But when we narrow our minds, we lose not just the complexity but the richness and nuance of the big picture.
When you find yourself slipping into the bliss of all-or-nothing This is The Only Truth thinking, stop. Look hard for exceptions to what is being presented. Check your biases. When you’re presented with absolutes, don’t swallow them whole—check the sources for their bias. Go deeper than the click-bait headline. It could be those amazing results of that new study are based on the 8 people the company paid to respond. Practice that critical thinking! It will serve you well.