This week seemed to start at maximum velocity, rather than working up to it. As I found myself hurtling from one appointment or meeting to the next, I noticed my heart rate and breathing racing up to match the hurried feeling.
I also noticed the fast breathing and heart rate was reinforcing my thinking that things were not good. My body was responding as if there was a present threat: shoulders tightening, hands tense even if all I was doing was walking to refill my water cup.
Once I became aware of how my software was reinforcing my hardware, and vice versa, I intentionally slowed my walk. I imagined my heart lifting up in my chest and my shoulders softening. I felt better.
I thought of Marsha M. Linehan’s quote, the one I hated when I first heard it, and that took me years to deeply appreciate: “Remember, whether you are walking to an execution chamber or to a wedding alter: in this moment, you are just walking.”
Our minds are full of stories about the future. Some of those stories will turn out to be more or less accurate predictions. If there is something we can do to prevent a bad outcome, we should sure do it.
But oftentimes, we are telling ourselves opinions, not facts. We are predicting extreme and unlikely outcomes. And we aren’t preparing for them, we are simply fretting. It’s a waste of energy and gives us a terrible gift — that of suffering in advance or suffering needlessly.
When we are tightening up for what’s ahead, or bearing the burden of what’s behind, we feel it in our bodies, hearts and minds. When we can stop, even for a minute, to be present to what actually is, we can relax and reset, if only for that moment.
So — what? We just stop worrying? We just stop caring about bad things that have happened or might or will happen?
Oh, that it should be so simple. If it worked, I wouldn’t be writing these columns.
What we can do is become more aware: of what we can and can’t control, of where we are storing tension and how to release it, and of whether we are ruminating, telling stories, or doing something productive. We can notice patterns that don’t serve us. We can figure out how to change them, on our own or with expert or friendly support. We can work on being being both kind and accountable to ourselves, understanding performance and abilities will vary. We can clean up our messes and mitigate the impact our weaknesses have on ourselves, our lives and other people.
We can slow down, and when we are walking, just walk. And at the end of the day (which may, and often should involve preparing for the next), we can say “This day is done.”
In the morning, we get a whole fresh day.
Be well, and keep on keeping on to take care of yourself and others.