Overload Of Life

If I’m being completely honest, I haven’t had the need to focus much on my mental health recently. I’ve been in a really good place and I’ve been naturally happy. This wasn’t always the case though. I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband) in February 2019. The first month was great until his step mom moved back in a month later. She was the reason we eventually moved out. She made us miserable and I felt isolated and alone. 

My mental health in that year was very low but I didn’t realize it until almost a year later. When I realized I was very unhappy, I told my husband and I told him what I knew the source was. Having someone to talk to really helped. We decided it’s best to move out and decided to go to another state. Getting myself out of the toxic environment and being able to realize and admit that it was very toxic was a big step in improving my mental health. 

We moved in October 2020, and since then I’ve been the happiest I ever have been and I haven’t needed to focus on my mental health until recently. 

In February 2021, my dad’s kidney started to fail. We always knew this would happen eventually because it happened about 15 years ago and he had a kidney transplant back then. I was extremely stressed because my wedding was in March and my dad kept going in and out of the hospital and I wasn’t sure he’d be able to make it to walk me down the aisle. 

I should clarify that this isn’t my birth dad or my adoptive dad; this was the man that raised me but didn’t get the chance to officially adopt me because someone else did. But he was a big part of my life and he has done a lot for me. So to hear that he may not be able to come to my wedding as my father, because that’s what he was to me, and walking me down the aisle was very stressful. He was able to come, but he didn’t look very good. 

It’s been about a month and a half then and he’s still been in and out of the hospital. I also offered to donate my kidney when the time comes. This has been extremely stressful for me and I’ve needed an outlet to relieve some of this stress. Usually listening to music and spending time with my dogs helps a lot, but I needed more. I started reading a lot, which I used to do, and it’s been really helpful for me. Being able to talk with my husband is very helpful to me as well and I’m grateful for having someone to relieve some of that stress. 

On top of all of these other things coming to light recently, I have many things from my past I’m constantly having to deal with. I was in the foster care system for a couple years when I was a child and it wasn’t all that great for me. I was placed in 5 different foster homes before I was adopted and had been subjected to different kinds of abuse. Since then, many people have told me I would never make anything of myself, graduate high school, get a college degree, or be anything other than a “foster kid.” I’ve already started proving them wrong, but I feel a lot of pressure on myself. Physical activity, music, hiking, and playing with my dogs is a great outlet. 

But what I find the most de-stressing is being in nature. I love being surrounded by trees and the wind. I also love nighttime. Being outside at night is the most relaxing thing I know of. It’s usually hard to get a clear view of the night sky because of clouds, but whenever I’m lucky enough to get the opportunity, I always star-gaze and look at the moon. These are just a few of the things that help me and I hope they can help someone else, too.