DearConscience feature

Dear Conscience: Does Money Buy Happiness?

Does money buy happiness?
Shoulder Devil: Jill MahlerShoulder Angel: Jennifer M. Hartsock
Is Hell hot? Do little kids in Uganda eat sticks? Duh, money does buy happiness. If every one had money this world would be full of people with no financial qualms, living freely and…. giving- I stutter at the thought. That is why this world is composed of haves and have-nots, as in people with slaves (I mean personal assistants) or people who have their children as their slaves. The unhappiness of the world is by design. I got to keep busy; people are a making it really easy on me these days.

For the hopeful and equal parts annoying people out there, lets just think about what you could buy with money. I like to imagine myself on a yacht somewhere, sipping on Bisco Sour, but that’s me. What could you buy that your little heart can’t live without? How about a nice automatic weapon? I know I would like that- something with target assistance, so I could rid myself of a pesky little angel.

Some less ambitious pursuits could be moving far away from relatives or restart the seal clubbing industry. Most people spend their extra dimes on material possessions, which is a good start, but they need to think bigger. They need to challenge their thinking, lifetime supply of sweet cocaine or a personal militia.

Guess who appreciates the old cliche of “money can’t buy happiness”- poor people. If you want to be happy, don’t bother trying to earn the money the 9-5 way. By the time you have money you’ll be spending it on a social security scam, dentures and a catheter. If you want it now, remember go big or go home. The monkey that climbs out to the furthest branch gets the best fruit (before they fall to their death).

Material possessions should never be more important than a healthy mind, body, and spirit. There is great joy and fulfillment in befriending kind people, partaking in enriching hobbies, and participating in charitable activities.

When happiness blooms from within a special place in your heart–from your core being–your presence inspires great things in this world. You smile more, you sing more, your cheeks are a rosy red. You’re excited not only to tackle the day, but to engulf it! You wake up two hours early in order to watch the sun rise over the hills. And you don’t have a cup of coffee in your hands, because mornings are no longer drenched in harming stimulants like caffeine!

But wait, there’s more: your radiant glow attracts those around you, and guess what, they want a taste! How wonderful and special it is to be joyful and serene and, well, marvelous!

Now, excluding material possessions and their harmful, controlling grasp on people—money can buy happiness in a sense that it’s a currency for purchasing necessities.

Without food, people starve. Without medical treatment, people become ill and may die. Without schools, teachers, and school supplies, people may not receive an education. You get the point.I wish we lived in a world where people were generous enough to just give things away for free! But alas, we live in a world where goods and services cost money, and without these necessities, life would be must harder to enjoy.

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By Shoulder Angel & Shoulder Devil

Got questions? We got answers. Dear Conscience is a humorous advice column, and the Commuter's very own Shoulder Angel and Devil will offer advice on ANY topic. Send your questions to Commuter@LinnBenton.edu!

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