As a monkey, I have a lot of friends that monkey around. As a youngster, I believed that if I proved to these hooligans that they could end up in a better place here in the jungle, then they would. For years, I swung among the trees, making it a priority to dig deeper into their heads for answers to my questions: Why don’t you care about school? Why do you abuse drugs? Why are you friends with dangerous people? Why are you involved in criminal activity? Why can’t you just stop?

After considering these questions, I thought these monkeys would change their negative ways on the spot. It was blatantly obvious to me that being responsible, setting life goals and treating people well, all led to greater overall happiness—and not only happiness for themselves, but for others too. Acts of good nature are appreciated, and the gesture is often returned. With this philosophy burning in my heart, my belief in the possibility of change fueled my desire to encourage that process.

It wasn’t until sometime in high school that I reached my limit on patience. For a time, I was bitter from the fact that barely any of them had done any changing whatsoever. As I grew up, and while gaining more insight into the way our personalities form, the realization dawned on me: Monkeys only change if they truly and utterly want to.

Again, this seemed obvious the instant I realized it. But still, why didn’t any monkeys want to? After deeper consideration, I figured it out.

They say that who you are at the age of 3 is generally who you will be as an adult. This observation was made after conducting developmental tests on toddlers in New Zealand. The results showed that the traits of a child at the age of 3 were still observant at his or her age of 18, and at also at 26.

It is as difficult for an irresponsible monkey to turn into a responsible monkey, as it is for a responsible monkey to change into an irresponsible monkey. For a long time, I had thought that it was only a matter of wanting to change. It is also a matter of committing and fulfilling a complete personality flip! For anyone, this decision, and the needed steps to do it, seem almost impossible. Where does one even begin? The means of becoming someone you’re not is different for each individual.

But here’s a good place to begin:

Difficult, if not nearly impossible choices, should always be made with the potential outcome in mind: Will changing my personality improve life for others, the world and myself? Once you know that answer, the process of getting there is also important: Will the decisions I make in route to changing my personality hurt others, the world and myself?

The best outcome is the one worth fighting for. From here, the choice is yours.

Jennifer M. Hartsock works as the opinion editor for the LBCC newspaper, The Commuter, and writes the weekly opinion column Straight from the Hartsock and the advice column Dear Conscience. Her extra time goes to working as a tutor and freelance editor on campus and in the community. She maintains a writer’s blog.