Dear Conscience – The Ex

What do you do when your ex-girlfriend, who you still have feelings for, starts dating another guy?
Shoulder Devil: Ashley ChristieShoulder Angel: Justin Bolger
First of all, remember that those feelings you still have for your ex-girlfriend are feelings of hatred and
contempt. She was clingy and narcissistic. We hate her.

What you need to do is call some friends and get yourself to a bar. Friends – you remember them, right? Those guys you haven’t seen in months because all your spare time was spent groveling at
her feet? She thought they were negative influences because they might try and convince you that you could do better (which you can). She was awful and we hate her.

You’re angry and need to vent. That’s great. That’s an appropriate feeling. Just be sure to target all this hostility at the right person. It’s not this new guy’s fault that your ex doesn’t know a good thing when she had it. He’ll learn in time and realize what you already know: she is selfish and immature, and we hate her.

It reminds me of a similar situation, where I found myself coincidentally stumbling upon my ex’s car (which was always more important than me and our relationship, not that I’m bitter – ‘cause I’m not). My pitchfork accidentally slipped and scratched the paint … and stabbed the tires … and broke a window … or three. But I’m totally over it; we’re talking about you and her — and — we hate her.

She wasn’t right for you. You’re only thinking about her because you can’t have her, which is fine because you don’t want her. She was terrible and we hate her.

First of all, remember that those feelings you still have for your exgirlfriend are reminiscent of something that was once great and beautiful. She was always understanding and encouraging; she’s good people.

You should write all of your feelings down to get them out where you can see them. Maybe you can write in a journal, or perhaps you would like to write a letter addressed to her. You don’t necessarily have to send it – just be focused on being very open and honest. She’s good people.

It’s not her fault, and it’s not the new guy’s fault. Remember who broke it off in an attempt to stop dragging the last thing you loved into your own spiral of despair and rediscover yourself? Now that you’re whole again, don’t let this discovery shake what you’ve worked so hard to accomplish. You didn’t only do it for her. You did it for yourself – for your own sense of self-respect. You’re good people.

The last thing you want to do is anything that will bring you back to the negative cloud that used to follow you everywhere. Don’t jump into another woman’s arms – that’s neither fair to her nor good for your healing. Don’t be steered by your anger – giving yourself reason for guilt will take you back to that original feeling of being too lost. You’ll never realize true happiness if you can never forgive yourself. You must make yourself into the person you can respect most. You’re good people.

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