Dear Conscience – Winter Wardrobe

In the middle of winter, why do women still insist on wearing short skirts and skimpy tops?
Shoulder Devil: Ashley ChristieShoulder Angel: Justin Bolger
This is a very good question, and the answer is simple: They’re morons who don’t know how to read a thermometer – probably a digital one at that.

It’s January in Oregon people. That means that it’s cold, and wet, and time to bundle up in sweaters and fleece pullovers, or at the very least long pants.

Now where I live, down south, the temperature runs pretty high; if you want to run around in short shorts and barely-there-tops, you’re more than welcome to join me. It runs a nice and balmy 294 degrees year round. You’d love it.

Perhaps these women feel cute with their teeth chattering and goose bumps running up and down their legs. Apparently no one ever told them that hypothermia is not sexy.

They think that trading in their flip flops for Ugg boots makes them winter weather appropriate. It doesn’t.

(In fact, while I’m on the topic, Ugg boots are only appropriate if you’re an Australian sheep farmer).

Perhaps the blame for these women freezing to death lies with their role models. I know that the Kardashians run around in as little as possible, but these girls also live in Southern California. Do you know how warm it is Los Angeles?

I’ll give you a hint: it’s more than 20 degrees!

So let me just leave those ladies with this: “You go girls, and put some clothes on.”

An interesting question with an inspirational answer: These young ladies are taking pride in who they are and showing off their fiercely female independence. There’s something truly beautiful in that.

Despite it being the coldest part of winter, with the streets frozen over and a layer of frost covering the city, you’ll notice these women don’t show any signs of being cold – no shivers, goosebumps, no complaints! Not only this, but the ice seems to melt with every passing step; this is their aura of righteousness at work.

I can tell you from experience: when you’re cool, the sun shines on you all the time! It happens to the best of us. I know this because it happens to me. Haha, I jest! … kinda.

Being from one of the more exciting neighborhoods behind the pearly gates, the temperature can vary quite a bit throughout the year. It can be anywhere from 68 to 76 degrees. I imagine down on Earth it can’t be so different. Your world just has a different interior design for each of the seasons, right?

It’s nice to know that wholesome role models such as Britney Spears and Kim Kardashian are still able to inspire our youth with their ideas of girl power. I get all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it!

So let me just leave those ladies with this: “You go, girls!”

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  1. timbabcock
    • Justin Bolger

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